Infidelity can shatter the foundation of a marriage. Whether you’re the hurt partner trying to make sense of the betrayal, or the partner who strayed trying to understand what happened and make amends, healing is possible—but it takes work from both of you.

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Couples Therapy for Healing After Infidelity

Discovering that your partner, husband, or wife has had an affair is one of the most painful experiences a person can face. In the aftermath of a husband’s infidelity or wife’s affair, the hurt can feel unbearable—an emotional rollercoaster that leaves you wondering if life will ever feel normal again. The betrayal, the broken trust, the questions that won’t stop—it can feel like your entire life has collapsed. If you’re here, you’re likely wondering whether your marriage can survive this, and whether the pain will ever lessen.

At Therapy Group of DC, we specialize in helping couples navigate the difficult process of infidelity recovery. Some couples who come to us ultimately rebuild their marriage into something stronger than before. Others decide to separate, but do so with greater understanding and less destruction. Our role is to help you find your path forward, whatever that looks like.

We want you to know: there is hope. Many couples do heal from affairs and build stronger marriages. The road is hard, but you don’t have to walk it alone.

Healing from infidelity typically takes 18-36 months — Recovery isn’t quick, but with commitment from both partners and skilled support, many couples do rebuild trust and create a stronger life together.

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What Affair Recovery Looks Like

The aftermath of infidelity is often chaotic and overwhelming. Both partners are in pain—though in different ways—and the path forward isn’t clear. The day you discovered the affair—sometimes called “D-Day” in affair recovery—may feel like the day your life split into “before” and “after.”

For the Hurt Partner

If your spouse had an affair, you may be experiencing intense hurt and pain that comes in waves. Many partners feel blindsided, struggling to make sense of their husband’s infidelity or wife’s betrayal. Common experiences include:

• Shock, disbelief, and intrusive thoughts about what happened
• Intense anger, grief, and pain that feel overwhelming
• Difficulty eating, sleeping, or functioning in daily life
• Obsessive questions about the affair partner and details of the infidelity
• Loss of trust not just in your husband or wife, but in your own judgment
• Uncertainty about whether you can ever heal or feel safe again in your marriage

These reactions are normal responses to an abnormal situation. The hurt partner—also called the betrayed partner—often experiences what therapists call betrayal trauma. This is a profound wound that affects how safe you feel in your relationship and in life overall. The pain and hurt are real, and they deserve to be acknowledged.

For the Unfaithful Partner

If you’re the one who had the affair, you may be experiencing:

• Shame, guilt, and confusion about how this happened
• Grief over the pain and hurt you’ve caused your husband or wife
• Feeling torn between wanting to repair the marriage and feeling overwhelmed by your partner’s reactions
• Uncertainty about how to help when everything you do seems wrong
• Struggling to understand your own behavior and choices

While the betrayed partner’s pain must be the priority in early recovery, the unfaithful partner’s experience matters too. Understanding what led to the affair—without using it as an excuse—is essential for healing and rebuilding a marriage that’s truly different.

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How We Help Couples Heal from Infidelity

Affair recovery therapy provides a structured, safe space for both partners to process what happened and decide whether—and how—to move forward together. Our couples therapists offer support and guidance through every stage of this painful journey.

Creating Safety for the Betrayed Partner

In the early stages of infidelity recovery, the hurt partner’s pain needs to come first. Our therapists help create a safe space for you to express the full weight of what you’re feeling—the anger, the grief, the hurt, the betrayal—without having to manage your spouse’s reactions. This isn’t about punishing the unfaithful partner; it’s about ensuring that the depth of the wound is understood and validated.

Non-defensive listening from the unfaithful partner is essential during this phase. Learning to hear your husband’s or wife’s pain without becoming defensive, shutting down, or turning it back on them is one of the most important skills in affair recovery.

Understanding What Happened

Once basic safety is established, the healing process involves understanding the affair—not just the facts, but the meaning. Many couples realize that issues existed in the marriage long before the affair—though this never excuses the infidelity. Partners often come to realize their own patterns and contributions through this process. This includes exploring:

• What was happening in the marriage and in each partner’s life before the infidelity
• What needs or vulnerabilities the affair seemed to address
• Each person’s individual contributions to the relationship dynamics (this is not about blame, but understanding)
• Patterns from each partner’s history that may have played a role

This deeper understanding helps both partners make sense of what happened and builds the foundation for a different kind of life and marriage going forward.

Rebuilding Trust

Trust isn’t rebuilt through promises—it’s rebuilt through consistent actions over time. The unfaithful partner must demonstrate genuine remorse and accountability, not just once but repeatedly. This includes:

• Complete honesty about the affair and its ending
• Transparency about whereabouts, communications, and commitments
• Patience with the betrayed partner’s healing journey, including setbacks
• Following through on commitments, even small ones

For the hurt partner, rebuilding trust means being willing to notice and acknowledge changes, even when part of you wants to stay protected. It doesn’t mean forgetting or pretending the affair didn’t happen—but it does mean allowing the possibility of healing within the marriage.

Emotionally Focused Therapy for Affair Recovery

Many of our couples therapists use Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) when working with couples healing from infidelity. EFT is particularly effective for infidelity recovery because it addresses the deep attachment wounds that affairs create.

When an affair happens, it doesn’t just break trust—it threatens the fundamental sense of security in the marriage. The betrayed partner often experiences the betrayal as evidence that they aren’t truly loved or valued. EFT helps couples:

• Understand the emotional patterns that contributed to disconnection
• Access and express the deeper feelings beneath anger and defensiveness
• Create new experiences of emotional responsiveness and safety
• Rebuild the secure bond that makes a marriage feel safe again

This approach gives many couples hope—helping them find hope that genuine healing is possible. EFT can help partners build a deeper connection than they had before, creating emotional support structures that strengthen the marriage. When partners can truly talk about their pain and hurt and feel heard, real healing begins.

Rekindling Intimacy

Physical and emotional intimacy are often casualties of infidelity. Many couples struggle with this aspect of recovery—the hurt partner may feel unable to be close to someone who betrayed them, while the unfaithful partner may feel they have no right to initiate connection.

Rebuilding intimacy takes time and cannot be rushed. It often begins with emotional intimacy—deep conversations, vulnerability, feeling genuinely seen by each other—before physical intimacy can feel safe again. Creating a deeper connection emotionally helps pave the way for physical reconnection. Our therapists help couples talk through this sensitive territory at a pace that respects both partners’ needs and supports healing within the marriage.

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The Stages of Affair Recovery

While every couple’s healing journey is unique, infidelity recovery typically moves through several stages:

Stage 1: Crisis and Stabilization

The immediate aftermath of D-Day is often chaotic. Both partners may be in shock, making impulsive decisions, or struggling to function in daily life. The pain and hurt can feel unbearable. The first priority is stabilization—creating enough safety and structure to prevent further damage while the initial crisis passes.

This stage isn’t about “working on the marriage”—it’s about helping both partners manage the intense pain and emotions and avoid decisions they might regret. Finding emotional support during this stage is critical.

Stage 2: Understanding and Processing

Once the initial crisis has stabilized, the work of understanding begins. This stage involves processing the trauma of the betrayal, exploring what led to the affair, and helping both partners express their full experience.

The betrayed partner needs space to talk about their pain and hurt, ask questions, and have their experience validated. The unfaithful partner needs to demonstrate accountability while also beginning to understand their own choices. Both partners need to feel heard, and both need to realize what brought the marriage to this point.

Stage 3: Rebuilding

For couples who are fully committed to staying together, this stage focuses on actively rebuilding the marriage and moving forward. This includes:

• Establishing new patterns of communication and connection
• Rebuilding trust through consistent actions
• Addressing underlying issues in the marriage that existed before the affair
• Creating a shared vision for your future life together

This is where many couples find hope—when they begin to see that real change is possible and that they can build a stronger marriage.

Stage 4: Growth and Moving Forward

The final stage of affair recovery involves integrating what happened into your story as a couple and beginning a new chapter. Many couples who successfully complete their recovery journey report that their marriage is ultimately stronger and more honest than before—not because the affair was good, but because it forced them to talk about issues they had been avoiding and heal wounds that had been festering.

This stage is about building a life and marriage together that feels genuine, connected, and secure.

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What to Expect from Therapy

Initial Sessions

The first few sessions focus on understanding your situation—when the affair was discovered, what’s happened since D-Day, and where each of you is emotionally. We’ll also assess whether couples therapy is appropriate right now, or whether one or both partners might benefit from individual emotional support first.

Frequency and Duration

Affair recovery is not a quick process, and healing takes time. Most couples benefit from weekly sessions, especially in the early stages when emotions are most intense and the pain and hurt are freshest. The healing journey typically takes 18-36 months, though some couples need more time and others find their way more quickly.

We also offer intensive therapy options for couples who want to accelerate their work through concentrated sessions over several days.

Individual and Joint Sessions

Effective infidelity recovery often includes some individual sessions alongside couples work. This allows each partner space to process their own healing journey, talk freely, and work on their own contributions to the healing process.

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Meet Some Our Affair Recovery Specialists

Our therapists who specialize in helping couples heal from infidelity understand both the complexity of this work and the hope that recovery offers. They provide compassionate emotional support while helping you do the hard work of healing your marriage.

Dr. Keith Clemson, Ph.D., LPC

Dr. Clemson is an Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) trained couples therapist who specializes in helping couples recover from infidelity. He uses attachment-based approaches to help partners understand the emotional patterns beneath conflict and rebuild secure connections. Dr. Clemson works with couples navigating affair recovery, communication breakdowns, intimacy concerns, and divorce/separation decisions. View Dr. Clemson’s full profile →

Dominique Harrington, MA.Ed., LPC, NCC

Dom is a Licensed Professional Counselor who uses relational and narrative therapy approaches to help couples heal from infidelity. She creates a warm, authentic space where partners can explore what brought them to this crisis and work toward rebuilding connection. Dominique specializes in communication breakdowns, conflict, intimacy concerns, and helping couples navigate cultural and family dynamics that affect their relationship. View Dominique’s full profile →

Xihlovo Mabunda, MS, LPC

Xihlovo is a Licensed Professional Counselor trained in EMDR, psychodynamic therapy, and sex therapy—a combination particularly valuable for affair recovery. She helps couples process betrayal trauma, rebuild intimacy, and address the sexual and emotional disconnection that often follows infidelity. Xihlovo creates a collaborative, supportive space where partners can do the challenging work of healing together. View Xihlovo’s full profile →

Dr. Kevin Isserman, Psy.D

Dr. Isserman is a licensed psychologist who uses psychodynamic and person-centered approaches to help couples navigate infidelity and its aftermath. His open, warm, and collaborative style helps partners develop greater self-compassion and understanding—essential ingredients for healing after betrayal. Dr. Isserman specializes in intimacy and sexual concerns, communication breakdowns, and conflict, and also supports couples through separation and divorce when that’s the path forward. View Dr. Isserman’s full profile →

Dr. Jessica Hilbert, Psy.D

Dr. Hilbert is a licensed psychologist who uses Internal Family Systems (IFS) and relational therapy to help couples heal from infidelity. IFS can be particularly helpful in affair recovery, allowing partners to understand the different “parts” of themselves—the part that wants to forgive, the part that’s still angry, the part that’s afraid to trust again. Dr. Hilbert works at whatever pace feels right for you, helping couples rebuild communication and develop new ways of being treated, listened to, and seen by each other. View Dr. Hilbert’s full profile →

Kevin Malley, MS, LPC, NCC

Kevin is a Licensed Professional Counselor who uses existential, relational, and person-centered approaches to help couples navigate the aftermath of infidelity. He helps partners process their emotions and better understand themselves—both individually and as a couple—as they work through the crisis. Kevin specializes in conflict, communication, and intimacy concerns, and also works with couples facing high-conflict situations as they decide whether to rebuild or move toward separation. View Kevin’s full profile →

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Getting Started

If you’re ready to begin affair recovery, we’re here to help and offer support through your own healing journey. Contact Therapy Group of DC to schedule an initial consultation.

We’ll match you with a couples therapist who has specific experience in affair recovery and can help you navigate this painful but potentially transformative process. There is hope for healing your marriage, and you don’t have to figure this out alone.

Take the first step toward healing—reach out to us today.

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Frequently Asked Questions About Affair Recovery

What is the timeline for affair recovery?

Healing from infidelity typically takes 18-36 months with consistent effort from both partners. The early months often involve the most intense pain and hurt and processing, while later stages focus more on rebuilding trust and creating new patterns in your marriage and life together. Some couples heal and move forward more quickly; others need more time. There’s no “right” timeline, and rushing the process often backfires.

What are the three phases of recovery after an affair?

While different therapists describe the stages differently, infidelity recovery generally moves through three main phases: (1) Crisis and stabilization, where the immediate emotional chaos after D-Day is managed and safety is established; (2) Understanding and processing, where both partners work to understand what happened, talk about their pain and hurt, and decide whether to rebuild the marriage; and (3) Rebuilding and moving forward, where couples who choose to stay together actively create a new foundation for their marriage and begin a new chapter in their life together.

Can a relationship go back to normal after infidelity?

No—and that’s not necessarily bad. The marriage that existed before the affair is over. What’s possible is building something new: a marriage that’s more honest, more connected, and more secure than before. Many couples who successfully heal from affairs realize their relationship is ultimately better—not because the affair was good, but because it forced them to talk about problems they had been avoiding and build a stronger life and marriage together.

What are signs of successful affair recovery?

Signs that healing is progressing include: the hurt partner’s pain becoming less constant and consuming over time; both partners feeling emotional support from each other; the unfaithful partner demonstrating consistent accountability and transparency; being able to have deep conversations about difficult topics; gradual rebuilding of trust and intimacy; and a shared commitment to the future of the marriage. Recovery isn’t linear—setbacks are normal—but the overall trajectory should be toward healing and hope.

How to cope after an affair?

In the immediate aftermath of D-Day, focus on basic self-care: sleep, eating, emotional support from trusted people in your life. Avoid making major decisions while in crisis. Find a therapist who specializes in affair recovery—this is not something most couples can heal from alone. For the hurt partner, allow yourself to feel the pain and hurt rather than suppressing it, and talk to people who can offer support. For the unfaithful partner, focus on being present, accountable, and patient rather than defensive.

When to walk away after infidelity?

Not all marriages can or should survive an affair. Consider whether: the unfaithful partner is genuinely remorseful and fully committed to change, or continuing to minimize, blame, or deceive; there’s a pattern of repeated infidelity rather than a single affair; other serious issues like abuse are present; and whether you can imagine eventually being able to heal, trust, and feel safe again in the marriage. A skilled couples therapist can help you talk through these questions honestly, without pushing you toward any particular outcome.

Does affair recovery therapy work if only one partner wants to try?

Both partners need to be genuinely willing to engage in the process for couples therapy to work. If the unfaithful partner isn’t truly committed to repair, or if the betrayed partner has already decided to leave the marriage, couples therapy may not be the right fit. However, individual therapy can still help either partner heal, process their experience, and move forward with their life, whether together or apart.

How is an emotional affair different from a physical affair?

Emotional affairs involve deep emotional intimacy and connection with someone outside the marriage, even without physical infidelity. While some people believe emotional affairs are “less serious,” the betrayed partner often experiences them as equally or even more painful—because it means their husband or wife shared emotional intimacy that was supposed to be reserved for the marriage. Affair recovery therapy addresses both emotional affairs and physical infidelity, and helps couples heal regardless of the type of betrayal.