The Gottman Method is one of the most researched approaches to couples therapy, built on over 40 years of studying what makes relationships succeed or fail. Developed by Drs. John Gottman and Julie Gottman, this approach gives couples practical tools to strengthen their friendship, manage conflict constructively, and create shared meaning together.

At Therapy Group of DC, our therapists integrate Gottman Method techniques with other evidence-based approaches to meet each couple’s unique needs. Whether you call it couples therapy or couples counseling, the Gottman Method offers research-based tools to help you build a stronger, more connected relationship. Rather than following a rigid protocol, we draw on Gottman’s research-based interventions alongside methods like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and relational therapy to help couples build healthier relationships.

Gottman is one of the most valuable toolkits in couples therapy—but in our experience it works best within a broader therapeutic framework. Our therapists use Gottman’s practical interventions within an Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) approach that addresses the deeper emotional patterns in your relationship.

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What Is the Gottman Method?

The Gottman Method is a research-based approach to couples therapy that focuses on building friendship, improving communication, managing conflict, and creating shared meaning. Unlike approaches that emphasize resolving every disagreement, Gottman Method Couples Therapy recognizes that many marital conflicts fall into the “perpetual” category—issues that couples will manage throughout their relationship rather than solve once and for all.

Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Gottman developed this approach through extensive research at the University of Washington’s “Love Lab,” where they observed couples’ interactions and tracked relationship outcomes over time. Their research identified specific patterns that predict divorce—and specific interventions that help couples strengthen their bond.

The Gottman Method helps couples address relationship conflict constructively, develop problem solving skills, and focus on the positive aspects of their partnership rather than getting stuck in negative interactions. The approach is designed to support couples across all economic, racial, sexual orientation, and cultural sectors. It’s effective for treating same-sex relationships as well as heterosexual couples, and addresses relationship issues ranging from frequent conflict to emotional distance to sexual difficulties.

The Gottman Institute, founded by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, provides training for mental health professionals in Gottman Method Couples Therapy. A Gottman trained therapist has completed specialized education in this research-based approach and its specific techniques for helping couples build stronger relationships.

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The Sound Relationship House: Foundation of the Gottman Method

The Gottman Method is based on the Sound Relationship House theory, which identifies nine components of a healthy relationship. This therapeutic framework provides a structure for understanding and strengthening the couple’s relationship. Think of the Sound Relationship House as a building where each level builds on the one below:

Building Love Maps Love maps are your knowledge of your partner’s inner world—their dreams, fears, preferences, and history. Couples with detailed love maps stay connected through life changes because they keep learning about each other.

Share Fondness and Admiration Healthy relationships maintain a culture of appreciation. Partners who share fondness and admiration regularly express respect, affection, and gratitude—even during difficult times.

Turn Toward Instead of Away Throughout everyday life, partners make small bids for connection. The Gottman Method emphasizes turning toward these bids rather than ignoring them, building emotional connection through countless small moments.

The Positive Perspective When couples maintain a positive perspective, they give each other the benefit of the doubt. Small annoyances don’t spiral into major conflicts because there’s a foundation of goodwill.

Manage Conflict The Gottman Method teaches couples to manage conflict rather than avoid it or let it escalate. This includes learning to talk honestly about perpetual problems and find compromises on solvable ones.

Make Life Dreams Come True Partners support each other’s life dreams and aspirations, creating space for individual growth within the relationship.

Create Shared Meaning Couples create shared meaning through rituals, goals, and a sense of purpose that connects them beyond daily logistics.

Trust Trust means believing your partner acts with your best interests at heart, even when you disagree.

Commitment Commitment means cherishing your relationship and protecting it from threats—including the threat of taking it for granted.

The Sound Relationship House theory gives therapists and couples a clear therapeutic framework for identifying where a relationship needs attention and how to strengthen it.

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The Four Horsemen: What Damages Relationships

The Gottman Method identifies four negative communication patterns—called the Four Horsemen—that predict relationship breakdown when left unchecked:

Criticism Attacking your partner’s character rather than addressing a specific behavior. Gottman Method techniques help couples replace criticism with gentle startup—raising concerns without blame.

Contempt Treating your partner with disrespect, mockery, or superiority. Contempt is the strongest predictor of divorce. The antidote is building a culture of fondness and admiration.

Defensiveness Responding to complaints by deflecting blame or playing the victim. The antidote is taking responsibility, even for a small part of the problem.

Stonewalling Withdrawing from interaction, shutting down, or refusing to engage. This often happens when one partner acts overwhelmed by negative emotions. The antidote is learning to self-soothe and stay present.

A Gottman trained therapist helps couples recognize these patterns and replace negative conflict patterns with healthier interactions. Learning to disarm conflicting verbal communication before it escalates is a critical difference in how couples manage conflict and reduce negative interactions over time.

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How Gottman Method Couples Therapy Works

Assessment Process

Gottman Method Couples Therapy typically begins with a thorough assessment process. Couples complete questionnaires about their relationship’s strengths and challenges, followed by a joint session and individual interviews with each partner. This assessment informs the therapeutic framework and helps the therapist decide which interventions will benefit your particular relationship.

Some therapists use the Gottman Relationship Checkup, an online assessment tool that provides detailed feedback on relationship health across multiple dimensions. This online couples assessment tool helps identify your couple’s relationship strengths and areas for growth.

Therapy Sessions

In therapy sessions, couples learn specific Gottman Method techniques to strengthen their relationship in three primary areas: friendship, conflict management, and creation of shared meaning. Sessions might include:

• Building and updating love maps of each other’s inner world
• Practicing ways to share fondness and admiration daily
• Learning to make and respond to bids for connection
• Identifying your negative conflict patterns and their triggers
• Practicing repair attempts to de-escalate conflict
• Discussing perpetual problems with mutual understanding rather than gridlock
• Creating rituals of connection for everyday life
• Exploring each partner’s life dreams and how to support them

Our Integrative Approach

At Therapy Group of DC, we integrate Gottman principles with other therapeutic approaches rather than practicing from a strictly Gottman Method framework. This allows us to draw on the best research-based interventions for each couple’s situation—whether that means using Gottman Method techniques to manage conflict, EFT to deepen emotional connection, or other approaches to address specific concerns.

Our Gottman trained therapists aim to give you practical tools while also addressing the deeper emotional dynamics in your relationship. We believe the Gottman Method’s emphasis on positive interactions, friendship, and shared meaning combines powerfully with attachment-based work that helps partners understand their emotional needs.

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Who Can Benefit from Gottman Method Couples Therapy?

You might benefit from the Gottman Method if you:

• Find yourselves in frequent conflict or stuck in the same arguments
• Feel like roommates rather than romantic partners
• Want to rebuild friendship and emotional connection
• Notice criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling in your interactions
• Struggle to talk honestly about difficult topics
• Want to increase intimacy and deepen emotional connection
• Are preparing for marriage and want to build healthy patterns early
• Have grown apart and want to repair past hurts
• Want to create shared meaning and support each other’s life dreams

Many couples benefit from the Gottman Method whether they’re navigating frequent relationship conflict or simply want to deepen their bond. The approach places particular focus on helping partners reduce negative interactions and build a heightened sense of connection. Research consistently shows positive effects on marital adjustment and couples intimacy—helping partners feel closer and more satisfied in their relationship.

The Gottman Method helps couples strengthen their relationship whether they’re in crisis or simply want to build stronger relationships before problems escalate. Research shows that Gottman couple therapy has positive effects on improving marital adjustment and couples’ intimacy—effects that endure over time.

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Our Gottman Method Couples Therapists

Our couples therapists use Gottman Method principles—building friendship, managing conflict, and creating shared meaning—to help partners strengthen their relationship and break negative patterns.

Dominique Harrington, MA.Ed., LPC, NCC

Dominique is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Gottman Level 1 trained couples therapist. She uses Gottman Method techniques alongside relational and narrative therapy to help couples strengthen friendship, manage conflict, and create shared meaning. Dominique helps partners build love maps of each other’s inner world, share fondness and admiration, and develop healthier communication patterns. She creates a warm, supportive space where couples can talk honestly about their relationship dynamics. View Dominique’s full profile →

Dr. Keith Clemson, Ph.D., LPC

Dr. Clemson integrates Gottman principles with his primary approach, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). This combination allows him to help couples both manage conflict using Gottman Method techniques and deepen emotional connection through attachment-based work. Dr. Clemson helps couples understand the patterns driving their conflicts and develop practical problem solving skills for healthier interactions. View Dr. Clemson’s full profile →

 

Xihlovo Mabunda, MS, LPC

Xihlovo is a Licensed Professional Counselor who integrates Gottman Method principles with psychodynamic and sex therapy approaches. She helps couples build stronger friendship, navigate conflict constructively, and reconnect intimately. Xihlovo specializes in communication, conflict, and intimacy concerns. View Xihlovo’s full profile →

Dr. Kevin Isserman, Psy.D

Dr. Isserman draws on Gottman research alongside psychodynamic and person-centered approaches in his work with couples. He helps partners understand their couple’s relationship strengths and challenges, build a positive perspective, and develop skills for managing perpetual conflicts. Dr. Isserman’s warm, collaborative style helps couples create the safety needed to address difficult topics. View Dr. Isserman’s full profile →

Dr. Jessica Hilbert, Psy.D

Dr. Hilbert integrates Gottman principles with Internal Family Systems (IFS) and relational therapy. This approach helps couples both develop practical Gottman Method techniques for communication and conflict, and understand the deeper parts of themselves that show up in relationship dynamics. Dr. Hilbert helps partners repair past hurts and build stronger emotional connection. View Dr. Hilbert’s full profile →

Kevin Malley, MS, LPC, NCC

Kevin is a Licensed Professional Counselor who combines Gottman Method techniques with existential and relational approaches. He helps couples understand their conflict patterns, develop healthier communication, and build shared meaning together. Kevin specializes in conflict, communication, and works effectively with high-conflict couples. View Kevin’s full profile →

Dr. Rose Medcalf, Psy.D.

Dr. Rose is a couples therapist who integrates Gottman Method techniques with psychodynamic and person-centered approaches. Her style is engaging and at times playful as she helps couples uncover the patterns driving their conflicts. Dr. Rose specializes in communication, conflict, and intimacy concerns, and believes deeply in couples’ capacity for growth and transformation. View Dr. Medcalf’s full profile →

Dr. Drinkwater is a licensed psychologist who integrates Gottman Method techniques with family systems and existential approaches. He focuses on creating concrete, tangible goals that help couples live more intentionally together. Dr. Drinkwater specializes in conflict, relationship enhancement, and helping couples navigate financial disagreements—one of the most common sources of marital tension. View Dr. Drinkwater’s full profile →

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Ready to Strengthen Your Relationship?

The Gottman Method offers practical, research-based tools to help couples build stronger relationships and improve couples intimacy. If you’re looking for Gottman Method Couples Therapy in Washington DC, our therapists can help you develop the skills for lasting connection. Contact us today to schedule your first session.

Get Started →

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Frequently Asked Questions

What is the Gottman Method? The Gottman Method is a research-based approach to couples therapy developed by Drs. John Gottman and Julie Gottman through over 40 years of studying relationships. It focuses on building friendship, managing conflict, and creating shared meaning, using specific techniques derived from research on what helps couples thrive.

What are the 4 rules of Gottman? (The Four Horsemen) The Gottman Method identifies four negative communication patterns—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—called the Four Horsemen because they predict relationship breakdown. Gottman trained therapists help couples recognize these patterns and replace them with healthier alternatives.

What is the Gottman 5 to 1 rule? Research shows that healthy relationships maintain at least five positive interactions for every negative interaction. This 5-to-1 ratio creates a positive perspective that helps couples weather conflicts without lasting damage. The Gottman Method helps couples increase positive interactions and shift this balance.

What are the 7 principles of the Gottman Method? Dr. John Gottman writes about seven principles in his book “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work,” which include enhancing love maps, nurturing fondness and admiration, turning toward each other, letting your partner influence you, solving solvable problems, overcoming gridlock, and creating shared meaning. These principles form the foundation of Gottman Method Couples Therapy.

What is the Sound Relationship House? The Sound Relationship House theory is the therapeutic framework underlying the Gottman Method. It identifies nine components of healthy relationships—from building love maps to trust and commitment—organized like levels of a house that build on each other.

How long does Gottman therapy take? The length of Gottman couple therapy varies depending on your couple’s relationship needs. Some couples benefit from a focused course of 8-12 sessions, while others with more complex relationship issues may benefit from longer-term work. The therapeutic framework and assessment process help your therapist recommend a treatment plan.

Is Gottman Method effective for same-sex couples? Yes. Research supports the Gottman Method for treating same-sex relationships as well as heterosexual couples. The principles of friendship, conflict management, and shared meaning apply across all relationship structures and sexual orientations.